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11 Lessons You Only Learn When Love Flies Out The Window



I see myself walking  down the sidewalks of the city we used to share together. This time, it's completely different, we are not holding hands and you're not laughing at my silly jokes.

I wanted to be consumed by love, and I was. Now, I stand on the ruins of what we used to be. You were supposed to be mine forever, where and why did you go? 
Six months later, and I still remember the smell of your freshly washed hair in the mornings, and our coffee ritual before we even exchanged a 'good morning'. I still know the number of blocks between my place and yours, and it feels so close I know I could jump into a cab, and be at your place in 30 minutes. Your scent is starting to fade from what used to be your pillow,  and I still can’t find rest in a bed that makes my loneliness loom larger. 


One year later...

 I still think about you from time to time, I thought I would be over you by now, but six years are not easy to forget. Everything went downhill when I saw you with someone new. You held hands, you kissed, and you laughed. I realized how quickly you left me behind.

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One year, six months later...

I’m fine now, or at least I'm getting better. I’ve come to terms with it all. I no longer seek your face in others, and all the arguments we had, start to make sense now. I don’t quite remember why we broke up, but I do remember how we slowly started to become strangers.

I guess I just wanted to thank you, for the good, the bad, and for the warmth my bed once held. Now that you’ve gone, and I’m able to see clearly again, I find myself looking forward the future. I just wanted to share with you these 11 lessons I learnt when love flew out of my window the day you left me...

 

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It was all worth it. 

Our time together was beautiful. I got the chance to get to know you and your secrets. You will always be part of my story, an anecdote to share with my grandchildren. I regret nothing, and it was all worth it. With you, I learned the true meaning of love. I don’t feel pity for myself, I let go of my pain, and now I just treasure the good moments we shared.

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Loneliness is a fanciful friend

We used to go everywhere together, to the movies, art shows, my friends’ parties, and your mom’s house on Sunday mornings. The hardest thing I had to learn was to go alone to these places, and the first night I ventured out, I felt cold and unsure. As time went by, I discovered I could be fine on my own. I enjoyed going to the movies with my friends, and I even took my sister to that Saturday party. I walk on the sidewalk of our former favorite avenue with a smile drawn on my face, as I listen to that cheerful song I heard on the radio the other day. 
 

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Maybe, eventually, we can be friends 

We tried to be friends a couple times. Maybe having sex a few weeks after breaking up was not a good idea because I got attached again too soon. Three months later, and we decided to start talking again and we did everything, but sleep together, and still it didn't work out. I took my time, and here I am, all wounds are healed, and all the sadness and regrets have been left behind.

Maybe, eventually, we can be friends… who knows? We still like the same songs and TV shows. 

 

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Beggars can’t be choosers

Remembered how I begged you to stay? Now I know better, beggars can’t be choosers, and you made your point. It took me a while to understand this, but forcing you to stay would've been the worst choice you could've made. If our hearts were meant to be together then it was something bound to happen, maybe that is why I can write you this letter.

 

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I needed to learn to be alone.

I needed to learn to be alone, because all I wanted to do was to run into your arms. Until I discovered I could be on my own, it became a healthy habit, and now I enjoy my own company.

 

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It wasn’t the end of the world

The first few weeks I couldn’t leave my room. I kept asking myself all the questions that couldn’t be answered. You know what they say, after the rain comes the sun. I simply stood up, opened the curtains, and saw that the world was as it has always been. The world didn’t end, kids laughing, cars zooming by, days turning into nights, and slowly I recovered a sense of time.

 

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I learned to know myself

I can't pin point the exact moment I started listening to the songs you liked and the Netflix series you watched. Your plans became my plans. I was no longer an “I”, but a “we”. It was crucial for me to rediscover myself, and go back to ordering my favorite take outs and not yours. I learned to know myself again, and I like this version of me.

 

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The world is mine

Now that I know where I want to go, I started a journey to conquer the world. I now know the sky is the limit, and I’m no longer attached to your ghost.

 

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I got my friends back

My friends, my musketeers, they never truly left, but I was so into you that for a moment they disappeared. I got them back, because they took me out of the dark where I was holed in. I guess I have to thank you for that. You allowed me to see who really are my friends. 

 

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I’m not defined by my relationship

When we were together, I always talked about you, and everyone knew about you. When it was over, your absence was noted. My family kept asking about you, at work, at school, and everywhere I went I had to keep saying I was single again. What a horrible feeling, to find oneself defined by a relationship. Now I know better, single or taken, I’m not the person I am with.

 

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“Whatever tomorrow brings... I’ll be there”

The future is scary and the day you left, my calendar was still marked with all the plans we had. Christmas with your family, John’s Birthday on September, New Years’ Eve in New York… Needless to say, I had to throw it away. I started over, I learned to embrace the scary possibilities the future may bring. Now I sing a song from Incubus: “Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there, with open arms, and open eyes”.

 

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These were the lessons life taught me. Our story is not one I mean to forget, like I said, it is a lovely anecdote of a journey of ups and downs. We shared a treacherous path, but I’m glad we did. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren't for you. My heart found a way to heal itself. Yes, the scars are still palpable, but they are a beautiful reminder of our time together.

Thank you, old love, maybe I’ll see you someday.


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Most of the pictures are credited to Laura Makabresku 


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